The Possession of Self-restraint
Theeyinaar Suttapun Ullaarum Aaraadhe / Naavinaar Sutta Vatu
Classical English couplet — “In flesh by fire inflamed, nature may thoroughly heal the sore;In soul by tongue inflamed, the ulcer healeth never more”
What it says in plain words
“A burn from fire can heal, even if a scar remains. But cruel words can leave hurt that never heals.”
The classical Tamil reading
தீயினால் சுட்ட புண் புறத்தே வடு இருந்தாலும் உள்ளே ஆறிவிடும்; ஆனால் நாவினால் தீய சொல் கூறிச் சுடும் வடு என்றும் ஆறாது.
An expanded Tamil interpretation
நெருப்பு சுட்ட புண்கூட ஆறி விடும்; ஆனால் வெறுப்புக் கொண்டு திட்டிய சொற்கள் விளைத்த துன்பம் ஆறவே ஆறாது
The ethical and philosophical heart
Cruel words can hurt someone long after a conversation ends. The speaker may move on, while the listener still suffers. This is why care with words matters, especially when we feel angry. We can explain a problem without attacking the person.
In personal life, work and society
- Personal
- When angry with a friend, pause instead of sending a cruel message.
- Workplace
- Explain a coworker's mistake without calling them stupid.
- Family
- Tell your child what went wrong without saying they are worthless.
- Society
- Disagree with someone's online comment without posting a personal insult.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Before speaking in anger, think about how your words could hurt.
- Integrity
- Speak honestly about a problem without using cruel words.
- Communication
- Say what upset you without insulting the other person.
- Leadership
- Correct mistakes without shaming people in front of others.
- Governance
- Public officials should address complaints without insulting the people who raise them.
For leaders and teams
When correcting someone, address the mistake without insults. Your words may keep hurting long after the problem is solved.
Something to sit with
“What could you say more carefully in a difficult conversation today?”