Not Backbiting
Piranpazhi Kooruvaan Thanpazhi Yullum / Thirandherindhu Koorap Patum
Classical English couplet — “Who on his neighbours' sins delights to dwell,The story of his sins, culled out with care, the world will tell”
What it says in plain words
“If you spread stories about someone's faults, others may examine yours. They may pick out your worst faults and spread those too.”
The classical Tamil reading
மற்றவனைப் பற்றிப் புறங்கூறுகின்றவன், அவனுடைய பழிகள் பலவற்றிலும் நோகத்தக்கவை ஆராய்ந்து கூறிப் பிறரால் பழிக்கப்படுவான்.
An expanded Tamil interpretation
பிறர்மீது ஒருவன் புறங்கூறித் திரிகிறான் என்றால் அவனது பழிச் செயல்களை ஆராய்ந்து அவற்றில் கொடுமையானவைகளை அவன் மீது கூற நேரிடும்
The ethical and philosophical heart
Talking about someone's faults behind their back can turn attention toward you. Others may search your own actions for the worst mistakes. Finding fault can turn back on you. At home or work, this can lead to more blame.
In personal life, work and society
Personal: Before sharing a friend's embarrassing mistake, consider how you would feel if yours were shared.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Before repeating someone's faults, consider whether you are inviting more blame.
- Integrity
- Look honestly at your own mistakes before spreading stories about another person's.
- Communication
- Discuss a problem with the person instead of spreading it behind their back.
- Leadership
- Stop team conversations from becoming exchanges of stories about people's faults.
- Governance
- Address public problems without turning discussions into exchanges of personal blame.
For leaders and teams
Show others how to address problems without spreading blame. Sharing someone's faults can invite others to attack yours.
Something to sit with
“What could you do differently today when tempted to share someone else's faults?”