Not Backbiting
Pakachchollik Kelirp Pirippar Nakachcholli / Natpaatal Thetraa Thavar
Classical English couplet — “With friendly art who know not pleasant words to say,Speak words that sever hearts, and drive choice friends away”
What it says in plain words
“People who cannot build friendship through kind words may speak badly behind others' backs. This can drive away even close friends and relatives.”
The classical Tamil reading
மகிழும்படியாகப் பேசி நட்புக் கொள்ளுதல் நன்மை என்று தெளியாதவர் தம்மை விட்டு நீங்கும்படியாகப் புறம் கூறி நண்பரையும் பிரித்து விடுவர்.
An expanded Tamil interpretation
இனிமையாகப் பழகி நட்புறவைத் தொடரத் தெரியாதவர்கள், நட்புக் கெடுமளவுக்குப் புறங்கூறி நண்பர்களை இழந்து விடுவார்கள்
The ethical and philosophical heart
The way we speak can bring people closer or separate them. Kind words help friendships grow, while hurtful talk weakens trust. Speaking badly about absent friends can cost us their friendship. Keeping close relationships takes care in how we speak about others.
In personal life, work and society
- Personal
- You avoid mocking an absent friend and share a happy memory instead.
- Workplace
- You avoid joining gossip that could turn teammates against each other.
- Family
- You speak kindly about an absent cousin rather than encouraging relatives to dislike them.
- Society
- You help neighbors connect through friendly conversation instead of sharing hurtful gossip.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Before repeating a story, consider whether it could needlessly divide friends.
- Integrity
- Speak about absent friends with the care you show them in person.
- Communication
- Choose friendly words that help people enjoy being together.
- Leadership
- Help your group build trust through kind conversation, not gossip.
- Governance
- Discuss community problems without speaking badly about people behind their backs.
For leaders and teams
Show others how to bring people together through words. Avoid gossip that could divide your family or team.
Something to sit with
“How could your words today help you stay close to someone?”