Not Backbiting
Thunniyaar Kutramum Thootrum Marapinaar / Ennaikol Edhilaar Maattu
Classical English couplet — “Whose nature bids them faults of closest friends proclaimWhat mercy will they show to other men's good name”
What it says in plain words
“Some people speak badly about even their closest friends behind their backs. What might they say about people they hardly know?”
The classical Tamil reading
நெருங்கிப் பழகியவரின் குற்றத்தையும் புறங்கூறித் தூற்றும் இயல்புடையவர், பழகாத அயலாரிடத்து என்ன செய்வாரோ?
An expanded Tamil interpretation
நெருங்கிப் பழகியவரின் குறையைக்கூடப் புறம் பேசித் தூற்றுகிற குணமுடையவர்கள் அப்படிப் பழகாத அயலாரைப் பற்றி என்னதான் பேச மாட்டார்கள்?
The ethical and philosophical heart
Close friendship does not stop some people from spreading faults. They may treat people they hardly know even more harshly. The couplet asks us to notice this habit in speech. How we speak about friends matters because hurtful talk can reach anyone.
In personal life, work and society
- Personal
- You stop yourself from sharing a close friend's embarrassing mistake with others.
- Workplace
- You avoid joining a coworker who mocks an absent teammate's mistakes.
- Family
- You speak privately with your sister instead of telling relatives about her faults.
- Society
- You avoid spreading a neighbor's faults in a community chat.
How to apply this today
- Decision-making
- Before sharing someone's mistake, ask whether you are helping or just spreading blame.
- Integrity
- Speak with care about people, even when they cannot hear you.
- Communication
- Raise a concern with the person rather than mocking them elsewhere.
- Leadership
- Do not make an absent team member's faults a topic for casual talk.
- Governance
- Discuss people's actions fairly rather than spreading personal attacks.
For leaders and teams
Show others how to speak fairly about absent people. Give that same care to close teammates and people you barely know.
Something to sit with
“How could you speak more carefully about someone who is not with you today?”